How Logan clutches onto my shoulder like a baby monkey when I get him out of bed in the morning. Or how he softly bonks my face with his forehead when he's trying to get my attention.
How Fisher says no when he means yes and when I remind him to say yes, he says "yesh." So dramatically. Or how he looks me straight in the eyes with so much affection and inquisition that it's almost too much.
How Connor throws himself into his imagination and lives in a world that is full of color and music and adventure. How he likes to be cool and swells up when we notice something that is specific to him.
How Maddie is so intuitive and perceptive of the world around her. How she can be girly and squealy one minute, and laid back and amused with life the next. How we totally marvel at her potential.
How Brayden is discovering his individualism...wondering what his less obvious talents are, thinking about his future, deciding what kind of kid he wants to be, enjoying his place among his friends. How he likes who he is.
That these kids are mine to mold and shape. That I have moments of clarity when everything trivial actually feels trivial and nothing is more pressing than my incredible responsibility to each of them. That somehow, I feel inadequate and totally adequate all at the same time. That they deserve my best.
FaceTime dance battles
6 years ago
4 comments:
Tracy, this was a beautiful post. You captured so perfectly those glimpses of insight we moms get during the days and hours of our children's lives. Your description of each of your children just resonated with me, and you are right, they deserve our best. And when we give our best it is such a wonderful feeling. Your children are so lucky to have you.
we love your family!! I am so glad Lucy and Claire have such fabulous cousins and aunt Tracy and Uncle Rick (skinny uncle Rick... though we will take him at any size if you will take us!).
I know what you mean about adequacy. I sometimes feel strange that the Lord gave me kids to work with by trial and error. I know I can do it, and am a good Mom, but I sometimes wonder if 'I' am good enough for 'them' specifically and individually. It can feel scary. Those feelings come almost always when I pass myself in the mirror holding one of my girls and I stop and look at us together and think...wow, I hope we can make this work.
I is awesome and daunting but it is so great to see your family take shape... and successfully. It makes us excited for our future... while not wishing these days away.
Isn't it crazy how you can get so caught up in the day to day and almost forget to remember how meaningful the day to day really is. And randomly, you have a moment to realize that it's in the midst of all of this, dare I say, chaos that these are the moments that are helping define your children. And these moments end up being what your family is built upon.
So it starts to become apparent that it's not the big milestones that make a child who they are, it's the little things. And I love being able to identify those things as a parent. To really be able to put a finger on what makes your child tick is really something special.
"and now Deep Thoughts by Tracy Portrey. . ."
you definitely have a way with words, Trace. I? not so eloquent.
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