It's All Coming Back

As I suspected it would, post-pregnancy equals a seriously neglected blog! I'm so glad I started it while I was in lame-o mode because now I'm hooked and want to keep it up. I realize my teaser for more pictures (plural) is still a teaser, but hopefully not for long. This picture of me and the clan was taken last week on my birthday. My best present came from sweet Fisher who's been making the biggest adjustment to Logan's arrival. He's doing better each day, but has been a bit detached from me--something that makes me sad, but I know is to be expected from a toddler whose world has been turned upsidedown. I certainly can't expect him to be totally available to me at the exact moments I'm finally 100% his. Well, after presents & cake, he gave me the perfect surprise of an hour of total attention playing with me on my lap! He couldn't have known how much I needed it. It absolutely made my day. Honestly, it made my 2 weeks. We're figuring out this new balance little by little. Beyond that, life in newborn land is going well so far and I've been making a mental list of things that have come rushing back:

• 3 1/2 hours of uninterrupted sleep feels like sooo much more than 2 1/2.
• There is nothing more kissable than a newborn's soft neck & face.
• No early morning shower = No shower (unless faced with the rare Everyone's at nap do I shower or take a nap myself or get something done? dilemna).
• Slow eye-blinks, accidental smiles, quivering chin, satisfied gurgles, dramatic "waa's", and bobbing "kisses" on my chin
• The joy I feel watching my kids faces as they hold and gaze at their tiny new sibling.
• How much I want to remember every tiny detail since it'll be gone before I know it.

Introducing...

Logan Richard Portrey

October 9, 2007

8 lb. 5 oz.

21 inches

...

more pictures coming soon

Sweet Harmony

I have figured out something I love about having a dvd player in the car and it's not what you'd think--the absence of noise or fighting--though the silence that accompanies wireless headphones does give the illusion of being absolutely alone in the car. As nice as that is, it's something different I love. It's those moments when someone bursts out of the silence laughing or mimicking some phrase in the movie--moments that sound completely out of place in an otherwise quiet car and make you realize your kids are totally and obliviously in their own world. Moments like tonight when we were on our way home.

It was late, it was dark, Fisher had fallen asleep and the kids were watching Aladdin. I was enjoying the drive listening to a normal radio station instead of the High School Musical 2 soundtrack for once, when I started to hear a small voice from the back of the car. The voice grew louder and I realized it was Maddie singing to 'A Whole New World'. Now normally, she has a great little voice and isn't tone deaf at all. But somehow the song sounded a little...off. Okay, really off, in a really funny way. Whether she couldn't hear herself and therefore couldn't sing on key I'm not sure, but I turned down my music to listen, masking my laughter so the singing wouldn't stop, when another little voice chimed in--this time Connor's. Again, not a tone deaf child, but the song he was singing didn't quite match the one Maddie was singing. (?) He probably couldn't hear himself either and they obviously couldn't hear each other. The randomness of their harmony was only made funnier by the fact that Connor insists on singing "the boy parts" of every song lately and since he doesn't have a low enough boy voice to match the song, he ends up sounding monotone instead. You know the way you feel when you hear someone tone deaf sing? They seem so innocent which makes you feel kind of sorry for them but also proud of them for not being too sheepish to sing out anyway? It's endearing and embarrassing at the same time and this is what I felt for these two kids at this moment. So Maddie's singing a whole new song at the top of her lungs while Connor is singing not words, just low "ooh's" for some reason, they are both totally oblivious, and my eyes are filling with tears from laughing. They held out the last dissonant note together (apart) and complete silence immediately returned. I think Brayden missed the whole thing. I chuckled the rest of the way home, wishing Rick had been in the car to laugh with me, and felt sweet affection for both of them. What a great way to end the day.

Limbo

Another trip to the doctor today, so cover your eyes for a second if you don't want the details: Nearly 3 cm & 60% effaced. While I'm glad to be that far, I'm exhausted from the effort of getting just that far. I know, boo-hoo for me. Four days to induction is so short, but so long to be timing contractions that halt you in your tracks. I either need to HAVE this baby, or stop being in limbo labor and take care of it all at once on Tuesday! That'd be E A S Y. Somehow I think my last pregnancy just wants to leave a lasting impression. That makes me think of something funny--Rick tells me this was officially Utah's hottest summer on record. Ever. That's just mean. It does, however, explain why I have no trace of a healthy summer glow left. I stopped going outside about a trimester ago. Seems like I'm just lucky to have escaped the season without my feet being swollen to the size of those fuzzy monster slippers you see at this time of year.

Speaking of swelling, at church this past Sunday, a neighbor took one concerned look at me and asked if my blood pressure was okay. Something about how my eyes looked. Think I'm glad to watch General Conference in the privacy of my own home this Sunday? And just when I was so proud to have matching shoes on. Regardless, I have been a bit more swollen and I am worn out, so I wasn't especially surprised when the nurse checked my BP today and asked if I was feeling light-headed or dizzy. I wasn't, but the paranoia from Sunday instantly returned--was my BP suddenly high?? No, it was 90/60. A new low, even for me. I guess I can put those fears to rest. Apparently I need to be more concerned about falling asleep while I'm walking.

If only I could give the same low report for what happened on the scale. We'll just say I "made up" for losing a pound last week. Really not fair, especially considering my "workout" at IKEA yesterday--those multi-directional baskets are downright hard to maneuver when you're pushing two kids with a big tummy in the way. The 2 things I went there for were in totally separate places on two different levels and I did my best to navigate the meandering aisles with Connor yelling, "Wahoo! Drive sideways more, Mom!", Fisher laughing hysterically at our "game", and me smiling/grimacing like I was doing it on purpose to please them while praying not to ram into anything breakable. I felt relieved to pant out of the store almost an hour and a half later with only two minor collisions--one with a column and the other with the rubber stripping on the floor (don't ask)--and no injuries. If I really wanted to have this baby, I'd head straight back to IKEA tomorrow. Lucky for me, grocery shopping is on the agenda instead. Heavier basket and less fun for the kids. Maybe I will see the doctor sooner than Tuesday...

Utter Bliss

Do you hear that? It's the sound of silence at my house.

Brayden & Maddie went back to school after their 3-wk break today(!), Connor is at preschool, Fisher is napping, and I? I am soaking up the calm. All I hear is our backyard trees blowing in the breeze and a distant dog barking. Our home has stayed clean for exactly 43 minutes in a row and I just ate lunch all by myself in the quiet. Like I said, utter bliss. Bliss that's not even destroyed by the nagging fact that I need to get back to the grocery list and the enormous fall/baby clothes reorganization project going on upstairs... I will muster every bit of my self-control and stop stalling, but first, I HAD to acknowledge the calm. Calm that is exhilarating and blissfully indulgent and gives me a chance to remember why I love being a mom during the much more common moments of not-so-calm. I figure I've got 2-4 more afternoons of similar bliss before having a new little one to train on the finer points of naptime coordination. It'll be an entirely different kind of bliss. For the moment, however, it's just me & the silence. I'll take it.