If any of you read my blog last night, you heard me whining about a church assignment I've been needing to get to. Otherwise, you didn't hear me whining because I went to bed last night thinking and woke up this morning thinking about how much it bugs me that those whining words were sitting on my blog, somehow gaining more power the longer they sat there than I even meant them when I wrote them off the cuff. It bugged me enough that I simply got up this morning and erased that little paragraph from my spring runoff.
All morning, as I've fed & dressed kids, cleaned up, balanced the accounts, and gone grocery shopping, it's been on the back of my mind: Why do I feel so much better after erasing those complaints? Does it mean I'm trying to appear to be something I'm not? I don't think so...I don't pretend that responsibilities of church or motherhood are easy for me or that I am some superlady anymore than maybe 42 total minutes per week on a good week. In this case, it's our stake combined women's auxiliary training this Thursday and since the stake yw pres is already speaking in the main session, she put me in charge of planning the breakout YW session just last Wednesday. We're good planners, it just kind of turned out that way this time. I feel pressure to do a good job, truly haven't had time to get to it until yesterday, and then when I finally did have time yesterday, I totally avoided doing it and was dreading it all the more. Seriously if I'd read the same complaint on your blog, I'd think 'yeah, I totally know what she means' and it'd make me feel normal.
So here's my little confession: Yes, I whined yesterday about something I'm not especially excited to get to, I have no problem with the fact that you heard me whine, but no, for some reason I could not, in good conscience, leave those words sitting there to define how I'd feel about this obligation today.
Sure glad I got that off my chest. Maybe I can get on with my life now. And guess what, I will finally be sitting down to business immediately after getting kids lunch and to naps. Something tells me I'll back in love with my calling later this afternoon. :)
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6 years ago
6 comments:
I think that we have all been in your place where we are not all to excited about doing our jobs. Weather that is motherhood or our church callings. I personally feel better to complain about it. It helps to hear others opinions out there and know that yes I am not alone. I know that none of us thought any less of you for your frustrations. I love this outlet of blogging to connect to other mothers. I am in search for a clip on seat. It would be perfect.
Dang... I didn't even have time to read it, and I am sure I wasn't the only one. Things weigh on me sometimes that I put on my blog and end up taking off. The other night, I blogged about something and then went to a movie with my aunt and girls. All I could think about was going home and taking it off. I literally ran inside afterward and did so, point of story: your not alone, and I think many/most who were honest have a love/hate (small print on the hate) with their callings at times. They are meant to challenge you. Enough said... wow, I should be a therapist. :)
Loved your commentary - I can so relate to the whole emotional cycle. Accept, complain, regret, complete, rejoice. I was actually just talking to my mom today about how exhausting it is to be so busy with "big projects (whatever they may be), but how later they become great memories and landmarks of things we've accomplished - outside of the day to day tasks of motherhood. It's nice to feel needed and busy, even if it takes a lot out of us!!
You're funny!
Oh my -- ever heard the phrase, "too hard on yourself"??? I think it may fit in this situation. . .
You actually complained? I guess you are human after all. :)
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