My life is full and busy. There are 7 people in our family with personalities, schedules, needs, wants...a recipe for hectic. I live in a dichotomy of personal satisfaction and depression, of 'I am on top of this' and 'I'm simply not cutting it.' Every day is an effort as I slide back and forth between the two. I am failing a lot. Other moments I surprise myself. Life is tricky and I have been grumpy. In any case, I've been ignoring "the itch" lately.
But not today.
Today I'm itching to transform our home into Fall.
To plan halloween costumes early.
To take the kids to the canyon.
To have good food in the house.
To feel in control.
To do things on purpose.
To be in touch with my girlfriends.
To go to the library.
To renovate my kitchen.
To hang with my sisters.
To talk to my mom.
To create a deliciously slow fall and winter.
To read with my kids.
To remember that I own a camera.
To forget the broken light in my fridge.
To redecorate our master bedroom.
To have FHE every week.
To hang curtains in my living room.
To figure out how to enjoy countless hours in the car.
To relax with my kids.
To treat Rick like a king.
To throw out the finances.
To turn the weird basement playroom into something sensical.
To make more traditions.
To get a family photo taken.
To be a better wife.
To be a better mom.
To feel like I'm making strides toward my potential.
It's a good itch, even if it makes me cry a little.
10 comments:
You have such a gift for putting life into words. Thanks for sharing - we're all with you!
Hey, you know, if it itches, scratch it! But if that many places itch, that sure is a lot of scratching to do at once! I just reread part of Sister Beck's most recent conference talk last night because I really needed it after a day of feeling like a failure for losing my temper with a tantrumy 3-year-old. I just loved how she expressed her confidence that we can sort it all out and prioritize as we develop the gift of listening to the Spirit. Reading it, I was itching to memorize whole paragraphs of her talk.
I'm thinking my little sister is pretty smart. I guess I should read that talk again because I live in that same world you described, Tracy. Honestly, I could have written this post, except not as eloquently as you did. I loved the dichotomy examples and I'm a little relieved to know I'm not the only one who goes back and forth between those extremes on a daily basis.
Tracy, I wrote 3 more paragraphs in this comment and then just deleted them, realizing that I need to write my own post. This is far from the first time you've done this to me--written about something
I can completely relate to that makes me want to type an essay in the comment box. Anyway, I don't have any answers for you, just wanted to say that I GET IT! I'm itchy, too.
Your awesome. I can't imagine finding order to that much chaos- I love this quote from sister Hinkley
"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.
I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.
I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.
I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived." - Marjorie Pay Hinkley
Mostly, I want to want that. haha, but seriously no matter how you see yourself, I see you this way already. I think you do a pretty good job of making order out of your busy life. Hang in there.
I ALWAYS have a decorating itch and a desire to throw finances out the window. Those to things will forever plague me.
I have an itch...it is to have YOU hang curtains in my living room, redecorate my master bedroom, plan my halloween costumes, etc....
Love the post. I feel inspired!
Although it's been a while, I think I know you well enough to tell you that I'd wager you're a lot closer to those goals than you think ;) You have always been a phenomenal person!
I thought I was the only one. Well put.
OH you spoke exactly how I feel. It doesn't matter what actually does get done during a day I actually feel at the end of every day that it just wasn't' enough. That I fell short AGAIN!!!! Especially the older my kids get and the more running around I need to do for them. YOu really are a wonderful mother though and you should really give yourself a break!!! Stop itching and but some nice lotion on it all.
Ever thought of writing a book?? I would read it. Maybe that would satisfy an itch or two of yours--bookwriting.
Ahhh, life is...not easy. :)
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