Where I Am

On Wednesday, Rick & I had the chance to spend the day in the temple, something we've only done once before. We called it an early Valentine date since getting kid-coverage to be alone once in a month is an enormous luxury--twice just isn't realistic. It was a wonderfully peaceful day and a refreshing break from our regular routine. It being Brayden's birthday that day, I found myself thinking about him and each of our individual kids. On February 13th exactly one year ago we made the surprising discovery that we were expecting a fifth baby. I was distressed, overwhelmed, heartbroken for my little 9-month old, and fearful of another pregnancy. I grappled for months and months with what I knew was a blessing coming to us and I remember telling myself it'll just be what it is and it'll be fine. Of course, this has proven true and it is fine. Sure, I'm generally exhausted and more fragmented than I've ever felt before, but it's great even. As I was thinking of all this this February 13th, my eyes were filled with very different tears, of gladness and fulness. For whatever reason, I have landed here--as a mother to five--and I can't think of anything more worth doing. I simply felt incredibly blessed to be exactly where I am.