The Law of Matter

You notice I moved our cruise countdown to the top of the page because it is so SOON! In preparation, I've been shopping for a new swimsuit. My old swimsuit is just old. You know when the lycra gets so old and stretched out that there's little white elastic fuzzies all over it? That's partly why I need a new suit. The baby and toddler playing nearby are the rest of that reason. So, my stubborn post-babies figure and I have been shopping, shopping, shopping without much luck. Enter the "Miraclesuit." These swimsuits, that can be found in every major department store and online, claim to take 10 lbs off in 10 seconds and smooth your every anxiety zone in order to feel lean and confident at the beach! I can't think of a better definition of the kind of swimsuit I need. So I ordered a few to try out and waited impatiently for them to arrive so I could put them on and watch my overachieving curves melt away. This is where it got ugly. As we all learned in physics class, matter is conserved, and while the Miraclesuit most definitely gives the appearance of taking 10 lbs off the middle of your body, that 10 lbs has to go somewhere. For me, that 'somewhere' was to squish out of seemingly every edge of the suit. Not exactly the result I was counting on. Needless to say, I've returned the "miracle" suits and carefully ordered several different ones. Added to the 50 or 60 I've tried on already, odds are at least one of them should work. I hope. Otherwise, my old retired suit will get the sunset trip to the beach it's always drempt of. Sorry, Bahamians.