Life is wearing on me a bit lately. I decided it was time to sit down and figure it out after I found myself in tears in the Target parking lot earlier this week. I've pinpointed the possible culprits, in ascending order:
1. The much-needed break we've been "enjoying" from our regular schedule is actually depressing me. Plus it's just plain HOT outside. I think it's sucking the life out of me.
2. Too many aspects of my life are disorganized, neglected, or undone. The 'need-to-do' list is long and broad, we're bursting at the seams, and I need to GET A GRIP. I'm seized with the desire to send everyone away for 2 weeks while I tackle the list. This includes leveling the house, rebuilding one of my foolproof designs, and gingerly filling it with exactly what we need, in thoughtfully-organized and asthetically-pleasing order, of course. It would totally work because I will have sent everyone to a 2-week clinic called 'How to Maintain Thoughtfully-Organized and Asthetically-Pleasing Order'. They have those, you know.
3. I've been in one or more phases of baby mode since Sept 2005. And I'm not seeing the end of the tunnel yet. It's like I'm in a stall pattern. Or Groundhog's Day. Been here, done this. Oh wait, here I am again. It's blurry and exhausting and made more complicated because the older kids aren't waiting for the little ones to catch up. It's like our family is on this fast moving train and we're speeding along the track with me barely hanging onto the back of the caboose with one hand and clutching Logan behind me with the other. I want to get him on the train, but I can't seem to catch us up. Oh, and Fisher is teetering on the edge of the caboose and I'm blocking him from falling off with one of my legs. And the dining car is empty. Yeah, that about sums it up. It's putting me over the edge.
Sooo...time to rally. I haven't completely figured this part out.
The first thing I'll do is make a giganto master list of all things family and household in the universe that need my attention. I will quite successfully resist the urge to post this on my blog. Then I will.....pull myself back up and hit it again. Maybe I can get both hands on the caboose and both little ones seatbelted in this time. That sounds nice.
FaceTime dance battles
6 years ago
4 comments:
OH Tracy, I know exactly how you feel!!! I had a day like that yesterday. I am sure that having kids home for the summer adds a bit to the stress. Things change dramatically when all the kids are home and you just have to learn how to adjust and have a summer schedule and way of doing things. I am not grateful that you are hanging onto the caboose with one hand but it helps other mothers feel like we are not alone in our craziness. You painted quite a vivid picture with the caboose and all.
I read this post first thing this morning and have been thinking about it for hours--mostly about how I can relate. It wasn't until I had #5 that I felt like I could no longer keep up. The charade was over. Your train analogy is good--I remember telling Brian that I felt like I was exhausted from treading water all day but still felt like I was drowning. And I've had many of those momentary breakdowns, followed by the list-making and new resolve. I'm always sure that the solution is out there somewhere and that keeps me checking out books on organization and meal planning and the like--desperately trying to create a little order and control in my world. It's just good to know that I'm not alone. And just when I felt like I was getting the hang of things and could see a light at the end of the tunnel (Corinne out of diapers, gone for a couple of hours at a time for preschool) I find out that I'm about to start over and I'm dreading what's ahead. A few more weeks will find me racing after the train with a newborn in tow. And I'll know just who to call. "Tracy, can you give me the info about the 'How to Maintain Thoughtfully-Organized and Asthetically-Pleasing Order'clinic? I'm sending the whole family!" Thanks for writing, Tracy, and hang in there. School starts Monday! Now you can add the busy school routine of homework and chauffering but also regain a normal schedule again. Good luck!
I am sure today's pedicure will put all to rights!!! At least it will distract you for 45 min. It is the least I can do.
Train? Did someone say there was a train? Crap! I missed it again! Too far behind to even "see" the train.
Post a Comment